I know I’m extra late–I almost never see movies at the theater. But I finally got around to watching HJNTIY and I must say, it was a trip. Such a trip that I actually had to take notes so I wouldn’t forget what I found to be especially thought provoking. I will go ahead and give the official *SPOILER ALERT* , if you haven’t seen this movie and you don’t want me to ruin it for you then click away now. Okay, here we go!

This movie pointed out a lot of the common sense things that I’ve been preaching for years. I know I’m not that old but whatever. There were a couple of gems that I wish I had known before I learned them the hard way. E.g., if he doesn’t call then he doesn’t care. Simple as that. But what if he got really busy? Or he lost his phone? You know, anything could have happened. But 99% of the time anything didn’t happen and he doesn’t like you that much. Here’s another gem–when a guy says “I don’t deserve you,” he’s trying to break up with you but make it seem like he really does care for you, but he wants you to be happy and it wouldn’t be noble of him to keep you unaware of his glaring inadequacy. Pish posh! If he really loved you (or at least respected you) he would man up and say that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.

Anyway, the film provides an interesting cross-section of relationship dynamics. There’s Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck, a couple who live together and been dating for 7 years. Of course, Ben doesn’t believe in marriage and Jen does, so they break up. Ben later reveals to his buddy that he doesn’t want to be with anyone but Jen, and gets back in contact with her after her father has a heart attack. Jen realizes, through the juvenile behavior of her brothers-in-law, that being with Ben is enough because he’s more of a real husband than her sisters’ men will ever be. Since this is a movie, Ben surprises her with a proposal because he needs to make her happy, in order to be happy himself. (*tear*)

Then there’s Gigi (sorry, she’s not an actress I know by name!), who is perpetually single and chases after guys who don’t chase her back. She meets Alex while trying to track down her latest prospect, who happens to be Alex’s best friend. Throughout the movie he gradually becomes her personal relationship guru- he stops making out with a hot chick in order to answer her phone call; says he’ll set her up on a blind date with a guy who doesn’t show because Alex told him the wrong night; and invites her to a house party. Of course, Gigi thinks Alex really likes her so after the party she makes her move. She is cruelly shot down. Gigi storms off saying that although she may embarrass herself, she’s closer to finding love than he is. Predictably, Alex can’t get Gigi off his mind once she stops calling; and by the end of the movie he’s come to her apartment at 11pm to tell her “You are my exception.”

Finally there’s the convoluted love…square of Connor, Scarlett Johansson, Ben (not Ben Affleck! this is the actual character’s name), and Janine. Ben and Janine are married, and dull. He runs into Scarlett at the supermarket, and they are instantly attracted to each other. He tries to hold out, but her friend says “What if you meet the love of your life and he’s already married? Are you supposed to let him pass you by?” (Well, yeah, unless you want to be a homewrecking hussy. But I digress.) They have a giddy affair that ends abruptly when his wife interrupts them making out in his office. Ben hides Scarlett in the closet and in a delicious bit of poetic justice, she is stuck there listening while Janine seduces him on the spot. (Greatness!) After this incident Scarlett drops him and jumps into a rebound relationship with Connor, a poor sap she’s been stringing along for foot massages, hugs, and ego stroking (classic friend zone scenario!). He asks her to move in with him and they break up (but he still wants to be friends…IDIOT). Meanwhile, Ben and Janine end up divorced, which is probably for the best seeing as he only married her because she gave him an ultimatum.

Questions to Ponder…

1. Ultimatums. They get results, but are they ever really a good idea? (example: telling your college boyfriend that he has to propose or you’re breaking up with him)

2. Do exceptions to the rule really exist? I’ve never personally known of a couple who lived together more than 3 years, and then magically ended up getting married. Or a guy who was a real jerk to women, but found a really sweet girl and changed his player ways.

3. Do you believe in marriage? If not, why? If you do, would you be willing to forgo formalizing the relationship if that person said he/she wanted to be with you forever?

4. In the movie, Alex says that “the spark” is a myth perpetuated by men so that they could treat women badly and mask the anxiety that their game-playing induces as “chemistry.” True or false?

And here’s a funny quote from the movie, just to end things on a light note.
“You know, I really hate it when guys say, ‘I’m really jealous of the guy who gets to marry you.’ Well it coulda been YOU! I mean, that’s what I was leaning towards!”  A true lol moment cuz I’ve heard many variations on that theme. SMH.

*analysis + review = analyview. Yes, I make up words.