I think my lesson for 2013 will be in “letting go.”
Letting go of:
responsibility for other people’s feelings
the cocoon of higher education
other people’s expectations
This year is a paradigm shift. I’m turning 25 this week- a quarter of a century old. I’m graduating in 4 months, getting married in 8. I can unironically consider myself a grown woman now. But even though part of me is chomping at the bit to start my “real” life, it’s scary too. Will I be able to handle all of my responsibilities for BLSA (and manage my exec board too)? Will I find a job? Will I get all my assignments in on time? Will my car break down? Will I have another dental emergency? Will I be a financial burden on my fiance? Will my car break down? I swear, worrying is an unintentional hobby of mine and I could create a litany of things to be anxious about. But that kind of thinking is dysfunctional as well as an utter waste of time.
So much of my life has been spent in defense mode- trying not to repeat my own mistakes, or those of others. But even if I fail (and for me that could mean anything from actual failure, to simply not meeting my own sky high expectations) it’s not the end of the world. I’m young, and I will recover. More than that, I’m blessed. I surely didn’t make it this far all on my own. Tex has a job and is prepared for me to move in and support me while I search for a job- and who knows, I may even have one by graduation because I’ve got a couple of leads already! I’ve made a career out of pessimism and the worst case scenario has yet to happen to me. So why do I continue to carry an umbrella on a sunny day? It’s time to let it go.